i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize