i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
