I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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