I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Mom said you looked used
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
