Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
