i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
