Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize