He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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