i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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