We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
