my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
