wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
