I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
