Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize