This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
