i just had sex bonerless
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
