How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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