I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
