Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
