Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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