this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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