Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
