So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Randomize
