There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
