He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize