yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
how does that bad decision feel?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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