he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i drank out of a bidet.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
We were destined to go to rehab together
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
