I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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