If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
