I never want to see another naked old woman again.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
