Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
