I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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