What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
