we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
