the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
