I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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