I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Randomize
