i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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