we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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