I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
