Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
