Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
