Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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