Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize