Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
