Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Randomize
