Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
