question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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