I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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