tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
