wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize