I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
