the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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