mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
