Got a toothbrush?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
