You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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