my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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