yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
