So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
People in love make me want to vomit
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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