Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
