11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
