Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
