I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize