What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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