Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
When are your genitals available?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
