Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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